All over the internets, Sahib is worried. His humble bearer is acting strangely lately. There are unsettling reports from the hill stations of bearers who began by acting strangely and then - it cannot be spoken!
What he needs, reflects Sahib, is a firmer hand. A show of strength. Yes. He must - they all must - be brought to heel.
The lamp-wallah has arrived to light the lamps. His eyes betray nothing. That's the problem with these buggers, never know what they're thinking. Inscrutable as the Chinese, and even they are acting strangely lately.
And they all keep raising their prices. O the price of being Sahib, the price of Empire! O the weight of the Burden!
The lamp-wallah whispers to his assistant, what are they saying. He whispers in gibberish, of course, they are too simple, too lazy to learn and speak English. Except when the paypacket runs a bit short. Then they're linguists all of a sudden, and mathematicians.
All over the internets, the soft plop plop fizz fizz of Sahib's antacid tablets. Finally, they have arrived. They rang for the girl it seems hours ago, at last here she is, her face inscrutable, too.
Are they planning something? Or will they just sulk a while, like they usually do. That's what's more likely, not in them to, you know, start trouble.
They just need a firmer hand, that's what. A show of strength, a little reminder to keep them in their place.
All over the internets, Sahib sighs, leans back. He has solved his problem. Things will work out, just like they usually do.
The lamp-wallah nods to the girl, motions to his helper, and tiptoes out, as shadows hide his half-smile...